I’m sure the folks at the Jefferson County Water Department didn’t quite know what to think when three armed men stormed their office on that cold November morning. The cute young brunette, who was taking phone calls and typing on the computer, slammed down the phone and hid under her desk. The only man in the office, who had enough oil in his hair to heat a small Siberian village, was too busy parsing reports and glancing at his phone to even notice we were there. The front receptionist—her nametag said Madge—figured we were there to kill them, but she didn’t really seem to care. I’ll never forget that giant mole on her chin. It has a single black hair that twitches when she talks. “If you’re gonna shoot me,” she told us, “the least you can do is call my husband and tell him to pick up supper on his way home.”
“This does not have to end in bloodshed,” I said. “I am here as a sovereign citizen to make a formal declaration of war against Jefferson County and seize control of the water department. They have violated my Non-Aggression Principle by putting fluoride and estrogen in the water.”
I was wearing my camouflage fedora and my Taxation is Theft t-shirt. I had Murray—my AK-47—slung over my left shoulder, and I was holding a semi-automatic .308 handgun in my right hand. It had one of those hundred-round clips that makes your gun look like a cock and balls. My two friends, Leo and Joe, both wore masks and were dressed in full tactical gear. They each had an AR-15.
“Oh, you guys are doing that role-playing stuff. My grandson does that. I really think he needs to find a girlfriend or something,” Madge replied.
“This is not a game, mam. We reject the illegitimate authority of the Reptilian controlled government of Jefferson County. We are here to claim control of the water supply for the people.”
“I’m with you 100% on the Reptilians,” said the man, now aware of our presence. “But this water department is owned by a private firm. The county government actually has nothing to do with it.”
“I am prepared to make a declaration of war against any individual or entity that is complicit in the Reptilians’ global depopulation agenda.”
Not many people know this, but fluoride is a powerful mind control drug that has been used by the Reptilians for millennia to enslave entire planets. Earth is certainly no exception, but the world’s population has grown too large for them to manage. They recently started adding estrogen to the water to increase cancer rates and to make men weak and effeminate which they hope will discourage sexual reproduction. Their ultimate goal is to reduce the global population to 500,000,000 people.
The young girl emerged from her hiding spot under the desk, “Jesus fucking Christ, Mark,” she said. “You don’t actually believe that goofy lizard people shit, do you?”
“The Reptilians are real, Kimberly,” he replied. “They control every aspect of the media and government. I have a special filter to get rid of the chemicals in the water. It’s not even fit to bathe with.”
“If you recognize the threat posed by the Reptilians, why have you chosen to be complicit in their agenda?” I asked him. “If you knowingly aid and abet them, I am justified in using lethal force against you.”
“C’mon, man,” Mark replied. “You don’t honestly think you can defeat them, do you? I’m just doing what I can here.”
Storming the Jefferson County Water Department was the culmination of two years of my life. I had spent that time watching various YouTube videos and connecting with other patriots on underground internet forums. I don’t really care about the political issues that most people care about. What I’m interested in is power. It’s a subject I know quite well because I have watched several YouTube videos of a guy with a British accent talking about the monopoly of force. Power is all around us; we just have to have the courage to seize it. Most folks don’t realize how much power there is in water.
I really hadn’t planned to invade the water department as soon as I did, but I had just lost my job. I tended bar for 10 years, and I’ll admit that I regularly drank while I was working. I also regularly tried to wake-up my customers to the Globalist Reptilian agenda. Usually, my boss just looked the other way, but this time I took it too far. After I was about three-quarters of a bottle of whiskey in, some guy showed up at the bar and started reading Ben Shapiro’s latest book. He motioned over to me to take his order.
“Ben Shapiro’s a fucking Reptilian,” I told him. “By buying his book you are complicit in the genocide against the American people.”
“Excuse me…have you been drinking?” he replied.
“Eat shit, cuckservative!” I yelled as I dumped grenadine all over him and his book.
There aren’t many bartending gigs available in a place as small as Jefferson County, and word travels fast, so I was shit outta luck on finding another job. Seizing the water department was my only hope.
“Cowards!” I shouted at the water department workers. “I came to liberate you, but if you insist on remaining loyal to your Reptilian oppressors, you will meet the same fate as them.”
To show them I meant business, I held up my handgun, rested my finger on the trigger, and chambered a round. Unfortunately, I had the DTs so bad that I inadvertently pulled the trigger and sent a bullet straight into Kimberly’s left eye and laid her out on the floor.
“What the fuck did you do that for?” Madge barked.
Leo and Joe immediately made a run for the door. Without even thinking, I turned around and started firing. Leaving constituted a violation of our contract, so I was completely justified. I hit Leo in the leg, but he managed to escape. Joe wasn’t so lucky. He caught a bullet right in the back of the head and hit the ground with a thud. He was hemorrhaging like crazy. I hate that I had to kill my friend, but he knew what the risks were.
“Well, looks like you’re fucked now,” Mark said. “What do you want to bet your friend is going to turn you into the police? You didn’t really think this shitbrained plan was going to work did you?”
“You know, twelve bucks an hour just ain’t enough to put up with this shit somedays,” Madge said as she coolly lit a cigarette. “Two more years and I can finally retire.”
“Goddammit, Madge, you can’t smoke in here,” Mark said.
“Yeah, me smoking a cigarette in here is definitely the worst thing that’s happened today.”
While they bickered back and forth, I took another look at Joe’s body. The hemorrhaging had slowed, and the blood was starting to pool around it. I’ve never been squeamish about blood, but seeing it well up around him and soak into his clothes made me want to puke. I dropped to my knees, clutched my stomach, and let out a dry heave. I heaved again. This time I brought up enough bile to coat the back of my throat. My head was spinning like a centrifuge. I took a deep breath, and it stopped spinning long enough for me to think about Kimberly. That poor innocent girl. This was exactly what the Reptilians wanted. I was playing into their scaly green hands the whole time. I pointed my gun in the air and fired a round to get Mark and Madge’s attention. I was going to invoke Jefferson and give a noble speech about tyranny and watering the tree of liberty. I was also going to say a few words for Kimberly. Her death reminds us that sometimes, in the struggle for freedom, the spilling of innocent blood cannot be avoided. That was the idea, anyway, but every time I opened my mouth to speak, I dry heaved, and my head spun even harder that it had before.
The faint sound of police sirens began to echo in the background. I placed the barrel of the .308 in my mouth. The taste of soot and steel was sickly sweet. The sirens grew louder and louder until ceasing altogether. Car doors started slamming. Before they could make it inside, I pulled the trigger.
I woke up lying in a bed. The only thing I could see was a TV playing an old episode of Dragnet, the one where they stopped the Neo-Nazi from blowing up a school. I knew that was how the Reptilian Deep State was going to portray me. A fucking Nazi. They never miss a chance to smear the name of a patriot. Out of the corner of my right eye, I caught a glimpse of a man. He looked like a cop. I tried to ask him where I was and if I was being detained, but I couldn’t talk. I tried lifting up my arm to get his attention, but it wouldn’t move. I tried moving my leg, my foot, my stomach, even my dick. Nothing worked. I was completely powerless.