The Paint and Who’s This Woman I See

The Paint

Coarse white canvas teases the transmitters in my brain
The blank board unlocks more treasure than treasure pirates travel the seas for
Shapes and colors dance with harmony as my pencil flies beneath my fingertips
Like a bee buzzing to find a beautifully pollinated flower
My hands know exactly what to do
Life is ever changing
I find comfort in the paint
Knowing the thick acrylic paint will always be the same
The weight of the world will never be able to crush the spirit of the canvas
The acrylic always grounding me with its solidarity
When the spiral of life is filling me with motion sickness
The yellow will continue to dance across my canvas until
There is no longer someone there.

Who’s This Woman I See

Such a young age to be riddled with shame
Constantly wondering am I normal
It appears there’s so much to be fixed
Why is the youth bombarded with labels
Overwhelmed with uncontrollable guilt
Why must it be so hard, to be myself

Thought it would be easy just being myself
Being told to change resulting in shame
A young girl growing hair shouldn’t feel guilt
Constantly struggling to feel normal
Trying to understand all these labels
Why do I feel like I need to be fixed

Now I really feel as if needed fixing
It was a scary discovering myself
Accepting I love women new labels
Once again feeling riddled with that shame
Family arguing that’s not normal
Tired of the constant battle with guilt

Everything I did was weighed with guilt
Self-medicating trying to get fixed
Changing my hair must try to be normal
Continuous battles, denying me
what made me happy but still filled with shame
Always trying to follow the labels

Rebellion set in a new label
Acting on all urges despite the guilt
Beginning to not care about the shame
Bringing a new list of things to be fixed
Destruction takes over losing myself
Self-sabotage becomes my new normal

Drowning out the hate was my new normal
Saving myself meaning drowning labels
I needed to stop denying myself
Not just hiding but abounding guilt
Realizing I don’t need to be fixed
There’s no need to feel crippling shame

This feeling of shame cannot be normal
People don’t need to be fixed labels
Cause guilt and I just want to be myself