The Broken Doorknob and Fadeaway

The Broken Doorknob

Depression is the broken doorknob of my life
Spinning and spinning but letting no one in
Leaving my mind in a constant state of wonder
What if
What if one day that broken door opens
Would I pull back and hide
Fading deeper into darkness
The place where I want to leave but can’t
Maybe one day I will be free
Until then my questions go unanswered
Until then I’m left with my own thoughts
Spinning around and around in my own head


I pray to wake to you someday
Dreams of sundew skin, shining just so
A smile creeping on the perfect silhouette
Fill my head day and night
As I carry you safely, protecting, nurturing
My body altered, transformed, growing
Water trickles in a small pool
A rupture, I will see you soon
Grab the bags, run out the door
The time has come
Excruciating pain, all over
Something just doesn’t feel right anymore
I pray for you, little laughter fills my ears
Covering the screaming, is it mine?
Breathe, Breathe, is all I hear
As if someone would forget
My head burst with uncertainty

Love is pain, or so I’m told
I am starting to turn cold
I will be strong, sacrifice all I can
Breathe, one more moment, one more push
Fighting for life is such a rush
I hear you cry, the sweetest sound
I can rest now but only for a minute
It all turns black, behind my view
I prayed for you, my wildflower
Floating above you just to see
The life that I planned will now never be
But life is but a fadeaway
Unpredictable and strange
So, hold back your tears and fears
A mother’s love will never fade
Even as the days turn to years
Know I am with you through it all
My sweet wildflower, flourish in my memory
For soon I will see you