Blackness. A spiral. A puddle of Ichor, and a question: “Mister, do you feel guilty for falling in love for another, even if you might not love yourself?”
This is the only thing I remember before I woke up from my slumber. No name, no recollection of my past, nothing. I felt as if my head was spinning in hundreds of cycles within the dark sea.
I finally opened my eyes to see my room. At least that’s what I believe it was. My bed frame was in a strange wave. and I was surrounded by different pieces of memorabilia. Stuffed bears near the corner, a typewriter on a desk by the windowsill, and finally an armchair with an ashtray atop a small coffee table. Who did it belong to? I certainly don’t feel like the type to kill my lungs.
I struggled to get up. My legs feel like they are brisk tree branches, ready to give out at any second. I quickly grabbed the window frame to maintain my balance, then I noticed my feint reflection through the translucent glass. My face was very young to say the least. It was smooth, with my skin being a shade of a peach. However, my hair was as white as snow. My eyes contained red irises, like the rabbits in the forest. Then I noticed my strange attire. A tattered white uniform with black stiches draped my chest, with short black pants to contrast it. I also found the source of the weakness of my legs. A white tattered bandage tied my left leg, covering what looked like a strange black wound.
I turned around and saw a calendar on with the date on the wall: November 18th, 1802. Before I could properly examine the calendar thoroughly, someone had opened the metal door with a loud creak. I quickly turned to see who had entered the room. A young woman with a white dress and a paper hat with a cross on it peaked through the room.
“Oh, your awake Mr. Lumina.” Said the young lady. “It’s nice to see your finally up and about.”
“I-I’m sorry, have we met?” I asked very shaken and confused.
She looked at me with a clipboard and wrote something down. “Indeed, we have.” She responded. “Perhaps you have a slight case of amnesia.” She stepped forward gently. “Let me reintroduce myself, my name is Elise. I’m a nurse here at St. Janus hospital.” I reluctantly shook her hand.
“Nice to make your acquaintance Elise. My name is….” I stopped myself for a moment as my mind turned blank. Now there’s a question I have no recollection of. Who am I really? Why can’t I remember anything other than my name?
“Your name is Alex.” Elise said politely. “Alex Lumina.” She then turned to leave, but not before telling me something. “Mr. Lockheart will see you shortly. For now, try and get some rest. Standing around like that will put some more strain on your wound.”
“W-Wait hold on!” I spoke as I moved forward. But as soon as I took that first step, a sharp pain shot through my wounded leg. I fell with my face going on a collision course with the floor.
“Mr. Lumina!” Elise shouted as she managed to catch me in time. She then proceeded to sit near the side of my bed. “I know you have plenty of questions, but for now try to take it easy.” She said catching her breath. “But don’t worry. We’ll talk later and give you a little checkup!” She said with a cheery smile.
For some reason, when I saw her smile, I had an enormous wave of déjà vu wash over me. But before I can ask her more she quietly left the room, Leaving me alone in my thoughts. Shortly after she left, a man with brown hair and a sharp beard entered.
“Greetings Alex.” The man spoke as he sat in the armchair. “I’m Lockheart. I’m your therapist for this evening.”
“It’s nice to meet you Lockheart.” I responded.
“I assume you have a few questions on your mind?” he said as he lit a cigarette and took out a clipboard of his own. “If not we can proceed with the evaluation.”
“Okay, well to start, I don’t have any trace of remembrance of my past.” I said while laying down on my bed.
“Oh, well then what do you remember?” Lockheart asked. I told him the last vestiges of my supposed past, including that ambiguous question.
The doctor thought in silence for a moment before scribbling on his clipboard. “Patient experiencing vivid dreams and or nightmares… turn down dosage to accommodate the pill.” He muttered to himself.
“What are you mean?” I asked.
He looked up at me. “I haven’t told you about your condition, have I?” the doctor responded. “Your currently diagnosed with False Memory syndrome. It is a disease that gives you memories of things that didn’t happen.” He responded. “Fortunately, we are currently testing out some medicine to help ease and cure your condition.”
Elise then entered the room with a cart. It had a towel, a pillow, and a bottle of capsules with a cup of water next to it. “Here is the medicine you requested doctor.” She spoke.
“Thank you Elise.” He responded. He took out a pill and handed it to me. “This is called “datura.”” Lockheart said while handing me a capsule. “It’ll help you make your dreams and body more bearable. Take this twice a day. One before you go to bed, and when you wake up.”
I was very reluctant to take one of these. On one hand, the doctor seems trustworthy and kind. He also seems to know what he’s doing. But when I looked at Elise she had a face of unease as if she’s unsure about something. But I took a deep breath and took one of the pills the doctor gave me and washed it down with the water. At first everything felt fine. I just felt a slight tingle in my stomach, but it’s nothing serious overall. But then I suddenly felt absolutely sicker than before. My nerves turned into sharp needles that stabbed and writhed through my skin, The whole room was blood red, the doctor’s faces were nothing but caricatures that were bastardized into oblivion. It was all too much. I fell to the floor as my vision blurred. The only clear image I saw was Elise’s worried face as everything went black, with the doctor giving me a look of pure disappointment. “Back to the drawing board.” He spoke. “We’ll make some adjustments to the formula”
My head felt as if it was spinning in circles, the wooden floorboards were shifting and moving as if it was a cat moving under a rug than a flat surface. When I opened my eyes again, I was in a brand-new room. The room was bigger than where I previously was. It was like I was living inside a night light. The bed was adorned with patterns of stars and moons in shades of yellow, black and blue. and it had a smaller dresser next to it. The top of the room was illuminated by a big mobile above. It was modeled after the solar system. Outside there was a gorgeous patio, with the sky consumed by the blackness of night. Only the little twinkles of stars blinking in and out of sight illuminate the night sky. Did Lockheart and Elise take me to this new place, or was it something else entirely? I then heard a small pitter and patter inside of the dresser. I walked slowly toward it only to hear a little voice coming from it.
“H-Hello!? Can someone open this drawer?” the voice spoke. “I’ve been stuck within the confines of this drawer for a while. It would be wonderfully appreciated if someone could open it!”
Not wanting to be rude and keep the voice waiting, I opened the drawer, only to be greeted by a unique sight. A sharply dressed rabbit popped out of the dresser and landed on my bed.
“Phew! I felt like I was about to spend my entire life inside that blasted box.” The rabbit looked at me and twitched its nose.
“Mister Lumina, it’s wonderful to see you again!” he said with a thump in his step. “Have we met before little one?” I asked. The rabbit’s ears perked up, with surprise. “Don’t you recognize me? Its Snowy, Your favorite companion!” He said proudly. “I was in the corner of your room.”
Come to think of it, I did indeed notice how one of the plushies looked a little bit like a white rabbit. Could the two be related? “Excuse me, snowy was it?” I asked as Snowy as he nodded back to me. “Can you please tell me more of this place?”
“This is your new room!” Snowy responds. “Miss Elise brought you here so you could have some more arm room. I think she’s a wonderful young lady!”
I sat next to snowy in a bit of reassurance. To be honest, I prefer this room to that cramped place. It’s much more… colorful to say the least. I then heard someone approaching the door.
“Alright, I’m going to let the madam explain things in much more detail to you.” Snowy said as he hopped underneath my bed. Elise entered the room with a first aid kit in hand.
“Mr. Lumina, how are you feeling at this moment?” she asked as I rested on the bed.
“I’m feeling a little dizzy at the moment, But I think I’m recovering slowly to say the least.” I spoke. “That’s some good news.” She said as she laid the first aid down next to me.
“My friends and I took a look at the medication and found out it was faulty.” She said as she took my blood pressure. “The board is taking a look at it as we speak, we are sorry that you have to suffer like that.”
“Its fine.” I said with a wave. She then proceeded with the checkup. As the checkup went on, I noticed how thorough Elise was as we made our way through the procedure. When she checks my vitals she felt every part of my arm. When she checked my heart with the stethoscope, she paid attention to my heartbeat. And she asked questions like: “How do you feel here?” or “did you have any aches or pains when you woke up”? these are questions a real doctor who cares for their patients would ask.
“If I may ask, where is mister Lockheart?” I inquired. Her face went from calm and focused, to a little uncomfortable. “He’ll no longer be working with us.” She said bluntly.
“Why is that? I asked. “Let’s just say, he did something to the pills we gave you and is in deep trouble.” She said as she got up. “And what day is it today?” I asked, “it’s currently January!” she answered.
This surprisingly shocked me. I was unconscious for two months? How could this be?
“The drug Lockheart called “datura” contained very nasty stuff like Atropine. Which made you hallucinate and blackout. She wrote something down on the clipboard before handing me a piece of medicine.
“This will help you on your road to recovery.” She said as she got up. “Just let me know if you need anything else.” “Actually, I want to know one more thing.” I asked.
“Whose room did this used to be?” “This used to be the children’s ward.” She responded. “However, I thought it would be better to put you here so that you have some room.” She said with a smile. She then left the room, closing the door gently behind her.
Before I took the pills I reached underneath the bed to receive a second opinion from my fluffy little friend. But all I pulled out was a plushie that looked suspiciously like him. Regardless, I put him next to me and held the pill in my hand. I was conflicted about whether or not I should take it. What if it’s just like datura? What if I may never wake up again? These are the thoughts I asked myself. But it doesn’t matter now. If Elise says it’s better than datura, then I can trust her. So, I swallowed down all my doubts along with the pill and laid back down. Snowy looked over at my drowsy body then he proceeded to cuddle up next to me.
“We’ll take this one step at a time and maybe next time, we’ll make it right.” As my eyes faded in and out of consciousness, I began to hear the sound of children playing. It was all around me. Jumping, giggling and laughter filled the air. But one child was different. One was standing alone in the corner of the room. A young boy with familiar red eyes and white hair, just like me.
He looked at me, walked over to my bed, and asked me a question I heard when I first woke up in this world: “Mister, do you feel guilty for falling in love for another, even if you might not love yourself?”