CHARACTERS
CALLER 1
CALLER 2
CALLER 3
Elizabeth-May Sect: A very waif-like, skinny, blonde, white woman in a dark gray, pinstripe suit
SETTING
It’s 2002; a clock reads 1:55 AM on a VCR clock in bright red within a child’s bedroom. Above the VCR is a boxy TV playing reruns of SpongeBob. All you can see is the corner of the child’s room with the only light emitting from the TV.
TV ANNOUNCER
(TV cuts to a commercial. The TV blares its intro music.)
Staring product inventor ELIZABETH-May Sect!
(ELIZABETH walks into a very white, blank room from the left screen.)
ELIZABETH-MAY SECT
(Elated tone) Seasons change before we know it and none of us have the budget to dress for them!
(ELIZABETH now stands in the middle of the screen, fully facing the camera, hands together in front.)
One day you need a sweater for the blistering cold (Stock footage of a woman freezing in snow appears on screen to ELIZABETH’s right.) or you need a light, breezy shirt for the sweltering heat the next day! (Stock footage of a man sweating in the sun plays on the screen to ELIZABETH’s right.)
(The footage fades as ELIZABETH walks to the left, the camera following her.)
What if I were to tell you that you only need one thing in your closet?
(A thin, blue, long-sleeved sweater appears on screen.)
The 2nd-Skin Sweater!
(ELIZABETH is now standing with two clothing racks each on one side of her full of the same sweater in many different colors and sizes.)
With patent-pending technology, the 2nd-Skin Sweater is light (The same stock footage with the sweaty man re-appears, but this time he is wearing the sweater and fully facing the camera, with no sweat to be seen, smiling with a thumbs up.) yet heavy!
(The same stock footage with the cold woman re-appears, but this time she is wearing the sweater fully facing the camera now, with no visible shaking or freezing, smiling with a thumbs up.)
The 2nd-skin Sweater can be cooling when it needs to be!
(Stock footage of a different stock woman appears in sunny climate, wearing the sweater, smiling at the camera with a thumbs up.)
Yet thermal as well!
(Stock footage of a different stock man appears in cold climate, wearing the sweater, smiling at the camera with a thumbs up.)
(Camera shows ELIZABETH-May on screen once again, this time with a small table with a landline phone placed on top of it next to the left clothing rack.)
Don’t believe me? Listen to some live callers review how happy the 2nd-skin Sweater has made
them. (ELIZABETH picks up the phone to answer a live call from CALLER 1.)
CALLER 1
(Off-screen) I bought my 2nd-Skin sweater about three weeks ago and I absolutely love it! I wear it all of the time now. I work up in the mountains for a ski resort and really needed a shirt that works for the snowy climate of the mountains, but also cools me down when I step inside the heated hotels and offices! I’ve recommended this sweater to all of my colleagues!
(ELIZABETH hangs up the phone.)
ELIZABETH-MAY SECT
(Joyous) I absolutely love hearing personal reviews from customers where I am reminded why I
made this sweater! Let’s hear from a few more reviewers!
(ELIZABETH picks up the phone once again, this time to a live call from CALLER 2.)
CALLER 2
(Off-screen) I got my 2nd-Skin Sweater three months ago and I haven’t taken it off since! It’s almost like I can’t! I love this sweater so much! I’ve saved so much money on buying clothes these past three months, from clothes and my water bill! It’s almost like it is my 2nd-skin! I used to be so insecure about my complexion not being tanned enough during the summer, but I no longer feel that lack of confidence since the long sleeves cover my arms! I can’t take it off!
(ELIZABETH hangs up the phone.)
ELIZABETH-MAY SECT
(Blissful) I love hearing stories of people gaining such confidence from my sweater! Really brings a 2nd-skin thermal heat to my heart. (ELIZABETH laughs and multiple other, unseen laughing voices are heard at the same time, then quiet.) Let’s listen to one more caller before my ego gets too big!
(ELIZABETH picks up the phone once again, this time to a live call from CALLER 3.)
CALLER 3
(Panicked) H-Hello!?
ELIZABETH-MAY SECT
(Smiling to the camera) Hello, caller number three! You are on live TV! I’m ELIZABETH-May Sect! Inventor of the 2nd-Skin Sweater! I’m calling to hear your personal review of my lovely sweater!
CALLER 3
Do not buy this sweater!
ELIZABETH-MAY SECT
(Still smiling) Oh no! It sounds like you weren’t happy with your sweater! May I ask why?
CALLER 3
I-I-I bought it for my girlfriend because she likes this ‘as seen as TV’ shit, and I never saw any of your commercials before until one night, around 2 am-ish and I saw that this sweater is basically a 2nd-skin from its (mocking tone) ‘technology. So, I tried it on before gifting to her and now it (Sounds of struggling are heard.) won’t come off!
ELIZABETH-MAY SECT
(Still smiling) Oh no! Did you mean to get the dark blue instead of the light blue?
CALLER 3
(Confused) Wh-What? I never told you I got the light blue. How the fuck-
ELIZABETH-MAY SECT
(Smiling) We’ll send you another one for free! I am so sorry about that! It happens all of the time. We think one color is the right one till we see it for ourselves! This way your partner will have her very own sweater!
CALLER 3
(Freaking out) No! I bought this first one for her! I don’t want your shitty sweater! Why won’t it come off? It’s stuck!
ELIZABETH-MAY SECT
(Smiling) Take it off? (Multiple voices are heard at the same time as ELIZABETH’s.) No no no no no no no no no no no no no! Why would you want to take it off? With the patent-pending technology, there’s no reason to ever have to take it off! It’s your 2nd-Skin! You can’t take it off!
CALLER 3
Get it off! Please please I-I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe! (Screams are then heard then cut off by ELIZABETH hanging up the phone.)
ELIZABETH-MAY SECT
(Smiling) Sometimes things don’t go the way as planned. Just like the weather!
The screen now shows a screen with information for the sweater and a video of the sweater as well on a light blue screen.
ELIZABETH-MAY SECT
(Off-screen) Never worry about dressing for the wrong forecast! For just five ninety-nine, the 2nd-skin Sweater could be yours within three to five business days! Or-
(An oval sticker slams down on the top left of the screen displaying a new price.)
If you call the number on the screen right now, you can get two 2nd skin sweaters today! One for you and one for your partner! Or-
(Another oval sticker slams down on the top left of the screen displaying a new price over the last.)
You can get four 2nd skin sweaters today if you tell the person over the phone “I can’t breathe!” Call 1-800-2 ND- SKIN today! That’s 1-800- 2 ND- SKIN today! 1-800-
(The power goes out, causing the TV to forcefully turn off the clock underneath then starts to flash the number 2. The TV then turns back on to continue the cartoons from before.)
END